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Things To Do to Waiters

10. Eight hour lunch; two dollar tip!

9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"

8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Sucks!"

7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage."

6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo."

5. Insist that, before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.

4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"

3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.

2. As he walks back to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna take a leak in the chowder!"

1. Three words: Eat the check!

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