Pranks > Business > Nobody likes the cellphone companies.

Nobody likes the cellphone companies.

It's not just their terrible customer service, their incomprehensible billing plans, or the connections that are dropped more frequently than Madonna's panties. It's not that when you lose a call, you have to pay for the re-connection even though it's their fault. It's not even that you spend half an hour pouring out your heart to a friend, dredging up long-buried emotions and memories, only to find out that you got disconnected twelve minutes ago.

It's none of that. It's that cellphones are dangerous.

I'm not talking about the radioactive Martian rays that will cause us all to grow cauliflower-like tumors on our ears. We've all accepted that. As long as we can check movie showtimes from our cars, then broccoli-head is an acceptable side effect.

I'm talking about the danger of using a cellphone while driving. According to the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis, more than 80% of the USA's 94 million cellphone owners use their phones while driving, which the National Safety Council says increase the risk of an accident by 34 percent. Things have gotten so bad that the town of Brooklyn, Ohio became the first U.S. city to ban the use of cellular telephones while driving, joining 13 countries worldwide which have similar bans, including Germany.

My opinion is that Americans have never had a public figure to teach them the basics of cellphone safety, to take on the evil cellphone corporations. That's why I recently decided to become a superhero. I call myself ... CELLBOY.

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