Little Johnny was in his prep school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up; fireman, policeman, salesman, politician.
Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and take it up the ar*e."
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?".
"No," said Johnny, "My father plays football for Northern Ireland, but I was too embarrassed to say."