1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according tolights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If
you see your husband along the way, cover up any
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make
mental note?must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg
cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint
conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave
on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa
Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure
that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini
area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the
toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a
small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit,
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up
any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend
an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the
bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife
along the way, shake wiener at her making the
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck
in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the
size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water
just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates
and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in
the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to
notice water on the floor because you left the curtain
hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your
waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel,
shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to
get dressed again