2. A girl phoned me the other day and said.... "Come on over, there'snobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.
4. During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the othernight she called me from a hotel
5. One day as I came home early from work..... I saw a guy joggingnaked. I said to the guy.... "Hey buddy .... Why are you doingthat?" He said ...."Because you came home early."
6. Itâ€™s been a rough day. I got up this morning.... put on a shirt and abutton fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'mafraid to go to the bathroom
7. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up
8. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster anda radio
9. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as afriend
10. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came withhis wallet.
11. When I was born.... the doctor came out to the waiting room andsaid to my father.... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...... Buthe pulled through
12. My mother had morning sickness -- after I was born.
13. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my fingerto my father. He said he wanted more proof
14. Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.... "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said ... "I don't know kid .... There are so many places they can hide."
15. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
16. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get
17. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; whatâ€™s wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
18. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest