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Bar Jokes

Need some pub ammo to tell your friends, get it all here.

1
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently...
3.57143
A guy walks into a bar, and sits at the bar. After ordering a drink, he notices a giant jar full of $5 bills sitting behind the bar....
4.8
Fred and Ray went to the liquor store to buy a cheap bottle of wine. In the store, they discover they only have $1.50 between the two...
5
Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning." "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick...
2
If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour. Always toast before doing a shot. Whoever...
4.2
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.The state trooper smells alcohol on the...
4.2375
A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell...
4.46154
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.Man: Is this seat empty?Woman: Yes, and...
2.2
A duck walks into a bar and up to the bartender. Looking the fellow square in the eye, he asks, "Hey, uh, you got any fish here?""No...
2.666665
A bartender was tending to his bar when a guy in tattered clothes swaggers into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender takes one...
4.2
An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have...
3.857145
So three guys are at a bar, on top of a cliff. The first guy says to the second guy " Jees I swear one more beer in me and I reckon I...
2.666665
Man walks into a bar and orders a beer, the barman serves it up with a smile. Before he can even take one sup from the pint but a...
2.5
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer, and the bartender says, "That'll be four cents, please."The guy nearly spits out...
1.8
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender,...
2.65
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around...
1.65
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below...
4
A solution to all of your drinking troubles Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault:...
1
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. "Whoa...
2.75
A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please." The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't...

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